Conflict is bound to occur in a group of people and particularly during the decision making process. Conflict is natural and may be approached as a constructive or destructive process. Similarly, the actions the small group decides to take may bring it into conflict with the local community, or a company or other organisation in wider society. The individuals and the group help to determine whether this conflict will be a positive learning process, or destructive and polarising for the group and the protagonists.
Conflicts can occur around issues, personalities, or values. For example, Ian may object to the way I write up a sale in the day book, which would be issue oriented. This conflict may be fairly easy to resolve by formulating some simple agreements. If, however, Ian has trouble working with me, and he dislikes the way I write up sales, then there could be a personality conflict. Personality conflicts can cause more issue and value conflicts.
Working on developing a personal relationship may help to resolve issue and value conflicts between us. Value conflicts are more difficult to resolve.
An example would be where I object to Ian's demand for a high level of accuracy in recording sales details, which I think is obsessive behaviour based on capitalist values of materialism and consumerism, rather than stressing the importance of communication and relating to customers outside of the commercial transaction.
Resolving differences in values entails much deeper enquires into how each of our value systems are created. In some value centred conflicts we may have to agree to disagree, and work out procedures and ways of working around the different values.
When there is a conflict, the use of "I Messages" can give valuable feedback of feelings, and can make criticism seem easier to hear. "I Messages" are when the person making the criticism, owns their feelings.
For example, "When you write up a sale untidily, I feel frustrated and angry because I have to decipher your sales for updating the stock inventory." This form of criticism explains the unacceptable behaviour (writing up sales untidily) , the feeling/s of the person criticising (frustration and anger, in this case), and the consequences of the offending behaviour (adding difficulty to performing a job, stock inventory).
Guidelines for responding to conflict and problem solving are outlined excellently in Building United Judgment. A Handbook for Consensus Decision Making. Briefly, these guidelines state:
Thomas Gordon, author of Parent Effectiveness Training, referred to a six step process of resolving conflicts:
As with conflict, emotions need to be accepted as a natural part of ourselves and our interactions with others. By acknowledging our emotions and feelings in the way we work, and interact, we help to make ourselves whole as individuals. Communicating our feelings can help reduce tensions in group situations and build group trust.
Within group meetings it is important that both a special space be set aside for expression of feelings, and that strong feelings be dealt with during the course of a meeting. It is important that members "own" their feelings rather than blame the group or another individual for the way they are feeling. "I Messages" are particularly useful in this regard.
Special spaces for expression of feelings may include a ritual sharing at the start of a meeting in which each person can express their feelings, emotions and energy level they bring to a meeting. This can act to forewarn others if one person has had a lousy day, or invigorate the group if one person is bubbling with energy and excitement. The completion of the meeting is also an appropriate time to express feelings about the meeting process and interactions.
A bookstall collective I am involved with does not have any formal structures for sharing emotions or feelings as part of the meeting. However, we have stipulated that we will arrive for meetings 15 minutes before the set time for starting to allow for social interaction, expression of feelings, and swapping the latest news in our lives. At the end of the meeting, we go out and eat dinner together, which allows us time to unwind, discuss directions, strategies, processes and ideas more informally.
My present communal household starts our weekly meeting with a "Gripes and Good Things" session. Each of us in turn explains to the group those actions, events or emotions which are bugging them and those which are positive and uplifting. This allows the group to understand where each of us is coming from emotionally during the meeting, so we can make suitable allowances in the structure of our meeting and in interactions.
During meetings, understanding feelings and emotions expressed can help make problems clearer, and help in the resolution of conflicts.
At the close of the meeting, it is useful to end on a positive note.
The Black Rose Bookshop Collective used two techniques. The first was an affirmation exercise in which each member affirmed one other member, changing every meeting. The second involved a brief statement by every member of something they were looking forward to in the near future. My present household, on the other hand, does not invoke any formal structure for closing our meetings on a positive note. On occasions of difficult or long meetings we have sometimes had a group hug to close the meeting.
We live in a society where male values and culture are dominant and have been dominant for at least the last 2000 years. It is a patriarchal society that oppresses women in many different ways. Even our languages are patricentric. Growing up in western society we have absorbed unconsciously much of the dominant patriarchal values.
So it is not surprising that we bring many patriarchal and anti social values and gender stereotypes into our day to day lives and relationships. Although gender dynamics are discussed here, the problems may also be applied to other causes of power imbalance, such as age or class background.
In the mixed collectives I have experience in, and in several other small groups I know about, gender dynamics is an important issue, even if it is unacknowledged within the group. Within groups where it is considered irrelevant and not discussed, the following results:
It is possible to let go of old baggage we bring with us into our relationships. Although it may take much effort and practice to do so. Some common problems and possible solutions of gender dynamics are discussed below.
Commonly in mixed gender groups, the male members will speak more often and longer than women. Why does this happen? because of old baggage, a patricentric language, and gender roles. If this is a consistent pattern it indicates a gender problem, and thus a power problem within the group.
At a recent meeting where members from several disparate groups attended, although women made up half the meeting, most group reports were delivered by men, and much of the discussion was dominated by men. After the meeting, in a small group discussing the gender dynamics, one woman pointed out the difference in the level of confidence of men and women speaking about their group. Men spoke far more confidently and assertively, despite in at least one instance, of the man being a much newer member of his group.
An easy way to find out who is speaking the most in your group, is for one member to keep a rough count in a meeting of who speaks, and how often they speak. This will give an indication about who speaks the most and who speaks the least. If a speaking count is done consciously by a decision of the meeting, this may encourage a more even pattern of speakers.
When it is indicated that there is a large disparity in who is speaking, the facilitator could ask that those who had not spoken, or spoken least, to contribute to the discussion. Or the facilitator may initiate a 'Round Robin' on an issue, in which every person would have a chance to say what they thought without fear of interruption. Round Robins can encourage those with less confidence or articulateness to contribute to the discussion at hand.
The Black Rose Collective used Round Robins during discussions to ensure all contributed to the decisions. This was highly important as it served to involve those members who were reticent about contributing to discussions. In situations where two people were in conflict over an issue, a Round Robin, served to broaden the debate and turn a conflict between two people into a group conflict of ideas, which then became more readily resolvable.
An exercise for looking at the speaking pattern in a small group is to use a ball of wool as a 'microphone'. When a person wants to speak, they need to attract the attention of the person already speaking who holds the 'microphone'. When the speaker is finished, the 'microphone' is passed to the next speaker, and the wool is unravelled. At the end of a discussion the wool strand will form a spider web pattern between those who have spoken, with the pattern indicating how often each has spoken, and who their interactions were with during the discussion.
Communication is a two way process: speaking and listening. Just because there is a general equality in who is speaking, does not necessarily mean the decision will reflect that balance. In many instances woman raise issues or problems for discussion and are ignored, or are not taken proper account of by the meeting.
In a household collective meeting, a woman member made a suggestion to the meeting, which was ignored by the rest of the male members. A little later one of the male members made a similar suggestion which was discussed and adopted by our meeting. In this instance this dynamic was raised for the collective to discuss and reflect upon, but all too often this particular process goes uncommented upon in meetings.
Listening to others is an important part of the communication process. While male members, as part of a masculine gender role, will tend to speak more, female members, as part of a feminine gender role, will tend to listen more actively. In a small group trying to share power equally between members it is important to challenge the speaking/listening gender roles - to empower all members in active listening and speaking.
An exercise which may assist active listening and speaking is to divide into groups of two people. The first person speaks for a time, say 3 minutes, on a topic. The second person then summarises the first person. Then both people evaluate the speaking and listening roles. Roles are then reversed.
When a group has a high level of awareness and respect, discussions will tend to stay focussed on the person talking, with a minimum of interruption. Each person will be listened to carefully by all members.
As part of a female gender role, women are expected to be nurturing and supportive. To maintain the house, maintain the friendship networks, to nurse and give comfort when needed. On the other hand, a male gender role expects men to be initiating, assertive, task orientated.
Within the context of a meeting these gender roles can translate into the men being focussed on task issues, "on getting the job done", rather than how it is done. Women often take on a more invisible, but no less important, role of maintaining the process and cohesion of the group - of making sure all are involved in the decision.
Within a group with approximately equal numbers of men and women, the women complained about doing too much group maintenance. As the men did not appear to listen to their complaints, the women decided to stop doing any maintenance functions, including informal facilitation, in the groups' meetings. The meetings soon became frustrating for the men, and decisions took far longer to decide and implement.
This example shows how important the informal process functions undertaken by the women were for maintaining good decision making and group cohesion. Often it is informal facilitation by women which resolves problems of the group. Facilitation and group maintenance functions should be shared by all in the group.
It is important in a meeting to share the process functions and the task functions.
In any group in which people work together, building trust and feelings for one another, there is a tendency for people to become involved sexually. Sexual relationships within a group can affect the degree of sharing of information and power within the group. Too often sexual feelings and relationships within a group give rise to hidden agendas, never properly acknowledged by the group. This can lead to conflicts which are unsolvable on a superficial level, and may result in members leaving, or even to the break up of the group.
Starhawk, in her book Dreaming the Dark : Magic, Sex and Politics, concludes from her experience in small groups "three laws of small groups". These are:
The Black Rose Collective spent its initial years with sexual tensions and relationships affecting the dynamics of working together. These dynamics were never adequately discussed, and they remained an underlying issue while there was a sexual relationship in the collective. After a number of resignations and new people joining, there was a situation in which no one in the collective was sleeping with anybody else. At this time a frank discussion of the sexual dynamics and past practices in the collective occurred and it was decided that collective members would not have a sexual relationship with another member.
Some groups may choose to ignore the issue of sexual tensions altogether and never have a problem, while others may self destruct at the first conflict arising from sexual relationships within the group. All of these choices have their own problems and raise questions about how we express our sexuality within our culture. But the foremost problem is overcoming the fear of discussing honestly something as personal as sexuality and how it affects the way we work and live together.
One problem to be aware of is over commitment. Collectives and small groups can demand much time, energy and resources. Before joining such a group, find out how much commitment is demanded, and the amount of time and energy you have available to spare.
If you over extend yourself, you damage your own performance and relationships and you also let down those groups you are a member of by spreading yourself too thinly. Trying to do too much will often produce poor results and individual burnout. Try to set a sustainable level of activity, and focus on projects which can be done within that level of activity.
Too often have I seen friends make commitments to several tasks or projects, only to find they end up rushing around trying to do things at the last minute, or apologising at meetings for not completing assigned tasks, or doing work shoddily or with errors.
Commitment to a project or task is a responsibility to other people. Fulfilling your commitments to the best of your ability demonstrates how much you care about the other people in the group.